Why Do I Resent The Healthy People In My Life?
ruth time, my rage towards those I call 'free range humans' sometimes engulfs me in a ball of fury. The whining when they get a cold or have gone for a run and 'ache' after really gets to me and sometimes I have to repeatedly remind myself it's not their fault. On their scale of body pain and tiredness they feel bad, they can’t possibly know that their bad day would be a good day for many of us!
Wanna swap bodies?
The thing is, in the chronically ill community, we’ve all been there. Some days you just wish you could hand over the crap heap that is your body so healthy people can have a little taste of what life with chronic illness is really like. The utter shock on their faces would be so worth it. That said, the shock on your own face at feeling free from fatigue and pain for once would probably be quite extreme too.
It’s not like chronically ill people truly hate the healthy ones. We really don’t. It’s just sometimes the lack of understanding for what it’s like to live in a chronically ill body really gets to us. For some people seeing really is believing so if somebody doesn’t look unwell they can’t truly believe they are, which is a terrible attitude and unfortunately it’s something all chronically ill people have to face at some point..
Being annoyed at attitudes like these doesn’t make me a bitter person. Chronic illness is tough and it’s normal to look at other people’s seemingly easier problems and feel a little bit of resentment. People do it all the time when they see someone with more money or a better job, well seeing someone with better health is just the same – or worse even.
You can’t stop feelings
Just remember your feelings are valid but so are the other person’s. When I find myself feeling resentful I try and remember that this is not the ‘who’s got it worse’ Olympics. There is no prize for suffering the most. It’s true that everyone has their own struggles, good days and bad days, and comparing your bad days with someone else’s won’t help in the long-run.
If you feel resentment creeping up, take a breath and a step back. There is room enough for everyone’s feelings but it is our job to deal with our own. A healthy person might be complaining to you about their aches and pain specifically because they want to empathise with your own struggles, they might not realise the comparison feels unfair to you.
Lean into your community
Hopefully, your most trusted friends and family will be making the effort to try to understand your feelings and limitations, and as valuable as that is seeking out others with a similar situation can also offer a big boost to your wellbeing. Sharing these feelings with someone else who has also experienced it is healing. It reminds you, you are not alone in this. The chronic illness community is vital. Sharing with someone who gets it makes it so much easier to deal with. Thankfully, there is a thriving online community out there just waiting to help you step back and take a breath next time you want to vent.