Radical acceptance, at its core, is about recognising what we can and canโt control in our lives. There are some things, like whether or not you become sick, you donโt get a say in. Itโs about finding a way to live with that situation as peacefully as possible.
For many chronically ill people it can be hard, particularly when first diagnosed, to accept the challenges and limitations a chronic diagnosis can bring. Sometimes, it can feel that the negatives outweigh all the positives in our daily lives. Radical acceptance is one way to help balance the complexity of feelings chronic illnesses and disability can bring.
So, how do we use radical acceptance?
First and foremost, you want to go ahead and feel all those feelings. Squishing feelings down isnโt accepting a situation for what it is. Allowing ourselves to be hurt/angry/sad about something is completely OK and part of the process.
Next step, you want to ask yourself, โis this a situation I can change?โ If the answer is no, thatโs when you might want to start considering radical acceptance. But, if you arenโt ready for that yet, thatโs OK too. Itโs important to monitor your feelings and take each step as, when and if it suits you.
Acceptance looks a little different for everyone and there is no set โpathโ for it, just what feels right for you. However, here are some tools you could use to help practise radical acceptance:
ย Using affirming language like โIโm chronically ill and thatโs OK.โ
ย Writing everything out in a journal and then writing out why you are still OK, even if this thing keeps happening to you.
ย Just because a bad thing happened to you, and you canโt change it, it doesnโt mean that there canโt also be good things in your life too.
ย Reminding yourself of the good things can be a really good way for you to start accepting the not so good as well. Life isnโt good or bad, itโs a mix, and thatโs OK.
Repeat these steps as necessary.
Learning to accept what we canโt change can free time and energy to focus on parts of our lives we can influence: an invaluable conservation of energy for a chronically ill person.
Radical acceptance is a practice. You donโt just accept it once and never think of it again. Itโs a conscious decision every day and some days will be easier than others but thatโs all part of the process.
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